Okay, to be clear I wasn’t dying and my situation could have been a lot worse. Without getting into too many details at the age of 19 I found myself in a relationship that wasn’t going so well. I was emotionally capped and my need for travel was very quietly suppressed in fear of heavily disappointing my boyfriend at the time. To put things politely, I was totally freaked. Like, totally.
Thailand and Australia were calling my heart and soul, but my head kept telling them no. My head kept saying, “This isn’t the right time, you can’t possibly do this, just try and make this relationship work…”
And so on and so on. Everything you say to yourself when you need convincing that things should be different. Everything that keeps you awake at night because you know deep inside you were meant for more. Since my soul knew what it needed it wasn’t going to be quiet, but it wasn’t going to be loud. It was going to be there for me when I needed it to be and when it knew I needed it.
My wisdom was there with me all along, but it knew it wasn’t the right time. I stayed in my relationship probably longer than I should have, but something had me holding on. Through many sleepless nights and walking-on-egg-shell kind of days, I was getting closer.
The day I left was the day that changed my life. The day I left was the day my wisdom said, “GO.” The day I left was the day I was scared shitless, but that was the day my life truly began.
Bless my Brother and Father for moving my stuff into storage as this was a now or never kind of thing. My wisdom told me the time was right and I booked a flight to Thailand and Australia nearly 12,000 kms away.
Throughout the course of 2.5 years, I traveled 10 countries, too many buses and hundreds of beaches later. I had the time of my life while meeting people who would forever change my life. I drank too much and made “bad” decisions all too often, but I was finally living. I was living the life my soul called me to. I was fulfilling my dreams and regaining who I was. I will never ever forget the people and experiences that shaped me to be who I am today. I will never ever forget the good times and even the bad that shaped me to be who I am today. Good or bad, I was feeding my soul and living my life.
I will always hold that wisdom of mine in high regard because when my head is confused I know it’s always there, underneath all the thought. Underneath all the confusion and underneath all of the fear. Wisdom knows best, and when it shines through no matter what it has to say, you can always count on it.
If I could pass on anything from what I’ve learned, it’s listen to your wisdom. It may be subtle, or it may be obvious, but when you’re head is telling you one thing and your heart another, just wait. Wait patiently for your wisdom to come through, for that “aha moment,” for that instant of clarity. It is there underneath all your thought and it is there for a reason. And remember, not making a decision is still making a decision and you’re not expected to know what to do all the time. When it’s time to make a decision, do things differently, follow your calling, you will know. Your wisdom (internal guide) will tell you.